|
Before The Move
(Preparing)
|
| ~ |
Tell your children about the move as
soon as you can. The more time they have to think about and
prepare for the move, the easier it will be for them. |
| ~ |
Give your children a chance to express
their feelings, and try to be honest about your own feelings.
Most children will feel some anger, sadness, or worry about
the move. These responses are natural, and kids who have a
chance to express them will work through their doubts more
easily. Gently tell your children about any sadness you may
feel about leaving or uncertainty about a new home, job, or
city. This will reassure them that they aren't alone in having
worries or concerns. |
| ~ |
Help older children prepare a list of
phone numbers and addresses of close friends, relatives, and
other important people in their lives. Knowing they can stay
in touch with these people is an important part of a
successful move. |
| ~ |
If your kids are old enough, let them
participate in decision making. Have the kids keep a notebook
of potential new homes with the positives and the negatives
listed. |
| ~ |
If you are able to, before you move
take your children to your new home and explore the new
neighborhood and town or city together. If this isn't
possible, take pictures of your new home, the schools your
kids will attend, a nearby park, and anything else that would
be interesting to them. |
| ~ |
Make a scrapbook containing pictures
of your pre-move home, friends, and other mementos of your
life together. |
| ~ |
Call the principal of your children's
schools, and try to set up a meeting with their teachers or,
if they're in junior high or high school, guidance counselor.
The new school may even be able to give you names of students
in your child's class who live near your new home. If so, you
may want to drop by to meet them and their families before you
move in. |
| ~ |
Try to line up some activities in
which your child can participate after the move: a sports
team, music lessons, art classes, a scouting troop. Not only
will activities like these keep your children involved;
they'll also help them to feel like part of a group - an
important aspect of settling in. Try to sign up for more than
one activity in case one falls through or doesn't go well. |
| ~ |
If you can, try to meet families in
your new neighborhood before you move. Being familiar with
people when you move in will help your children feel more at
home. |
|
During The Move:
(Remembering What's Important)
|
| ~ |
Throughout the move, stay as upbeat
and calm as you can; a good plan makes this possible. Your own
mood will impact other family members, especially babies, who
are particularly sensitive to their mother's feelings. With
older children, it's important to be honest about some of the
uncertainties you have, but also to be generally optimistic
about the move and the positive ways it will affect the
family. |
| ~ |
Involve your kids in the packing.
Older kids can put their own belongings in boxes, and kids of
all ages will enjoy decorating the boxes containing their
things. Doing so will also make finding your children's things
easier once you're at the new house! |
| ~ |
Try to stick to your routines. Have
meals at the same times as always. If your kids nap, encourage
them to lie down at the usual time. Keep to the normal
bedtimes. |
| ~ |
Don't pack things that your children
treasure. Take special blankets, beloved stuffed animals,
favorite books, and other prized items in a separate bag or
box that you can bring with you in the car or on the plane
when you go to your new home. |
| ~ |
Help your children say good bye to the
important people in their lives. For their friends, a pizza or
make-your-own sundae party is a fun way to celebrate the
friendship. An album or poster with photos of good times
together will add to the celebration. If your children are
comfortable, encourage hugs at the end of the party. With
neighbors or other special adults, you may want to set up a
time to stop by and say good bye as a family. |
| ~ |
Expect the unexpected: few moves go
smoothly, anticipate trouble (predict it!) and have a
positive, "can do" attitude. |
|
After The Move:
(Getting Settled)
|
| ~ |
Don't spend too much time unpacking -
at least not right away! Sure, the essentials are important to
unload and you want the house to feel settled. But wait on the
less important stuff. In the first few days, take time to
enjoy your new home with your family. Take walks. Check out
local restaurants and take-out spots. Introduce yourselves to
your new neighbors. Spend time at the park. |
| ~ |
Be on the look-out for neighborhood
kids, and help introduce your children to them. If it's
comfortable for you and your children, invite some of the
neighborhood kids over for pizza or a video. |
| ~ |
Let your children have some input in
planning on the new house, especially in choosing things to
buy for their rooms. Even if you don't follow through on their
ideas, it's important to listen to what they think. Be tactful
if you choose another option, and let some decisions be
entirely up to them - for example, the placement of their bed
or the color of the rug or paint in their bedroom. |
| ~ |
Get involved: church groups,
synagogues, YMCA and activity clubs, etc. enable socializing.
If a couple of months have gone by and your child seems
unusually troubled, ask a doctor, guidance counselor, or
principal if you need a referral. Signs that your child may
need help: unusual academic difficulty; ongoing irritability;
trouble with peers; changes in sleep or eating habits; a
generally despondent mood. Give them time, this behavior can
last for 4-5 months for teens. |
| ~ |
Above all, listen. Try to be there
when your kids get home after the first day at their new
schools, even if it means having to leave work early that day.
Regularly ask how things are going, and take time to listen.
Sometimes kids have a hard time opening up; spending relaxed
time together may help them to bring up whatever is on their
minds. |
| ~ |
For children and adults,
it takes time to feel at home. With your understanding and
patience, your children will be reassured that, after a while,
things will get easier; everything won't feel so new; and that
home is, after all, wherever the family is. |
click